Calling the Manager…

Me, myself & eye roll # 8,357, but who’s really counting?  1, 2, 3, … A, a, B, b, C, c

In my efficient inefficiency to find the red irridescent docking station with color coordinated ipad speaker for Mr. Exceptionally Patient, I dial the store I am presently working in.

My manager answers the phone directly behind me, calm and cool, with the name of an Ivy League College, he assuredly inhales the ridiculousness, so as not to not lose it inside the gold-fish bowl.

Slap Stick is Un-tweetable.  LOL

Meanwhile, back in Alphabet City, I reflect on the classic moment of  Moe & Curly.

… X, Y & Z

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Therapy Shop / e-shop

SofaSoma Storefront, EV NYC 1987

SofaSoma / ZAOT – Storefront, East Village, NYC 1987

BACK IN THE DAY:

80’s to be exact, the East Village pace was less caffeinated.  People stopped in, sat down, talked about themselves, their work, parties and places to actually meet up…later.  Roam if you want to.  Robert writing songs for the b’s, Michael’s future furniture drawings,  Christopher’s writing distractions, all the challenges…& the surprises.  Amy declaring friendship at first sight, Robert Rauschenberg chatting about his printing style, Tommy Tune purchasing one-of-a-kind gifts, The New York Times, Mrs. Pressmen, Clodaugh, W shoots, 7Days, boyfriend’s ex’s,  X’s, Whys? & Z’s, all of the above shape the days to keep on coming.

PRESENT DAY:

@thebrandedstore, Post RED & GREEN madness, an excited silhouette strides through the door,  just like yesterday but not, thee strawberry blonde humorist from “the building” of back in the day on Ave A.

Strawberry Blonde:  “I want your doctor!  You look exactly the same!”

Orange HOWELL:  (LOL)  “Helps to not drink for 20 years and of course no one smokes anymore.”  (NOSMOKING)  “So where ARE you and what R U doing?”

(New Yorkers, then & now, rarely skip a heartbeat to know the real deal.)

Strawberry Blonde:  “I live in Vegas and star in porn films.”

Orange HOWELL:   (XXX {?} Admitted pause.) “Yes, I remember you talking about your escapades @ the shop. Great you can monetize your experience.”

e-shop Orange HOWELL’s O.H.Macaroni ironic childlike riff on arts & crafts inspired pasta jewelry for chic adults @orangehowell.com

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Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Happy, Healthy & Humorous New Year!

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XMAS

RIBBONS & BOWS.

“The grosgrain 1″ hunter forest green ribbon?”

“No, the pretty red ribbon.  It’s for a gift…”

Image

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Accomplished Shoppers

TYPES

The giftcard purchaser, predominantly male.  Immense gratitude for conversion of capital.  CA$H to Plastic.  Mission accomplished.

The mother-in-law gift return for store credit.  Annoyingly negative.  Resentment accomplished.

The aching back luxury return w/o receipt demanding CA$H.  Possibly Fixed.  Over accomplished.

The fur coat instantaneous rewriter of history for the last plastic popcorn maker must have exclusive purchase.  “Bully Bar” …accomplished.

The “cut your losses” complainer finance guy who’s children’s nanny (babysitter) ruins the non-stick pans making Mac & Cheese with a metal spoon.  Silver spoons?  “They WILL never learn, they’re not educated.”  His bonus eye roll vs. charming wink desperately needed to ease the painful pretension inspires a trip down to visit the inventory boyz.  VERY accomplished.

The gold toothed sister with big hair head wrap shops the store to choose her annual gift for her pastor.  During our register transaction she declares that she must tell the manager how nice I have treated her.  Originals attract.  Accomplished…cool.

The ongoing shopper who decides at THE REGISTER with side view and in full view of THE  LINE, which consists of 33 of her former compatriots.   The line is waiting vs. The amount of time in the line.  The line starts here.  The buck stops here.   Passive Power accomplished.

CA$H or CREDIT?

Line starts here

#BORING FONTS CLUB (Instagram re:Art Direction)

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Waiting

COMPOSURE

Tall man buying $600 kitchen aid mixer maintained great presence while waiting. He periodically bestowed useful advice re: device re: pressure management during udder cowlike confusion over the discussion of gift wrapping large heavy appliances.

“Sir do you need a taxi? “

“Oh, no I have a car waiting.”

CALM

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Upstairs/Downstairs

“The Good ol’ days were indeed NOT for everyone.”  INdeed. Conscious Capitalism?

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Candy

BOW WOW WOW –  Peppermint Bark

Samples offered by former A & W Carhop.  Peppermint Bark Ingredients: White and dark chocolate w/ crushed candy cane bits that aim for bridges.

“I want candy”

 

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Thanksgivikkah

Thanksgiving meets Hannukah for the first and only moment in our lifetime.

L’Chiam.

Latke starter kits decorated in traditional blue and silver inspire latke conversations among cultural jewish shoppers.  Blue and orange are complimentary colors. Opposites on the color wheel.  When mixed, create various shades of brown…gravy.

Christmas is complimentary colors are coming…red and green will take over.

Image

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Impeccable Service

ART.

Brilliant techniques of the seasoned sales professionals as they engage, listen with polite banter while protecting their hearts from taking any of the client demands personally.

SMOOTH…

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